Frugal Dad or Cheap Dad? – #JustDadThings

Feature photo by Julie Johnson on Unsplash

Now that I’m a dad and I have to think about some of my life choices in dollars and cents, I find I’m thinking about ways to save. I want to be a frugal dad. This means more than just looking for the best sales. It applies to so many different areas of my life, I sometimes think I’m starting to become cheap. Some of it’s practical, like “Why should I drive to the store when it’s only three blocks away?” or “Why should I buy the more expensive cereal when the store brand is just fine?” My wife has answers with “You can’t carry a week’s worth of groceries three blocks without a cart” or “Store brand cereal tastes like cardboard” (no, it doesn’t). But it’s not without a purpose. If you save more in one area, you can spend more in a meaningful area later. Let me explain.

The Difference Between Frugal and Cheap

There’s a line separating being a frugal dad or savvy and just being cheap. For example, it’s one thing to look at your budget and say that your family can’t afford a new window air conditioner because there’s no extra savings. It’s another to say that you won’t buy an air conditioner because that’s not how your great grandpa survived summer. The latter argument isn’t frugal. It’s cheap.

Another example is handy work or labor around your house or your car. If you change the oil in your car, you’ll save lots of money over taking it to Jiffy Lube. The one-time cost of ramps, chocks, and an oil pan will eventually be offset by the savings after a couple of oil changes. You don’t even need back-of-a-napkin math to see the savings. Now let’s say you want to build a deck (the dadliest thing you can do). You might be able to learn a lot about building a deck by reading up on it. So you go to the library to get some books on building a deck. You visit Family Handyman to learn how to build a deck. After a while, you learn enough and feel confident that you can add a solid deck to your house without calling a contractor. That’s being a frugal dad.

Now let’s say you want to rewire your house, but have no experience with electrical work. If you’re like me, you might have old knob-and-tube wiring in your walls and you’d love to replace it.

This prompts you to look up a local electrician. Once you see it’s around $5,000-$8,000 for the job, you start to wonder if it’s worth it. Imagining the savings to your homeowners insurance (and your checking account), you decide it’s cheaper to do it yourself. You might be able to learn a lot about replacing know-and-tube wiring by reading up on it. You go to the library to get some books and read a variety of blogs that teach you how you can be your own electrician. With all this reading, you realize you’d save thousands of dollars over hiring an licensed electrician, without realizing it’s at the expense of your family’s safety. Without previous experience or training, you could easily rewire something incorrectly, leading to a fire. Not to mention there are consequences for not pulling proper permits. This is an example of being cheap, not being a frugal dad.

The Lunch Lesson

It’s easy to forget that it can be difficult to see around large dollar signs. I am always conscious of how much I’m spending, even when I’ve saved up for a big-ticket item. But there’s this nagging voice in my head that tells me to buy the cheapest stuff I can. It bleeds into other areas of my life. The voice asks, if I buy lunch while I’m at work, why spend it on something expensive? I could spend more at my local co-op and get locally grown, organic food or I could order chicken nuggets off the value menu at Burger King. I could save more money up front at the expense of my health down the road. How? Ultra processed foods aren’t exactly good for us. If I want to live a long, healthy life, the better, more expensive food might be worth it.

Applying Frugality to Everything

Acts of savings apply to more than just food. There’s a large following around the philosophy of Buy It For Life, of which there’s an entire subreddit dedicated. The idea is pretty simple: spend more on something of high quality the first time and it will last longer than if you buy something cheap that has to be replaced often. This stretches your dollar a little further. Not everyone agrees with this, but I think there’s something to it. There’s something to lose if you look only at the bottom line. It might even be your family.

Your kids could see Cheap Dad as always cutting corners or always coming up with flimsy excuses for why they can’t have nice things or experiences. They would probably have a good reason to believe that. Say your kids want a bike. Cheap Dad might say it’s not worth the expense of a kid’s bike because they’ll soon outgrow it. He might need to by accessories like a bike pump or knee pads. Cheap Dad sees a shrinking bottom line. But Frugal Dad sees something different. He sees the chance to make lasting memories and teach valuable skills. Frugal Dad knows to look on Craigslist for a used bike. He might even go all in and buy a brand new one, knowing his younger kids will use it later. To Frugal Dad, it’s not about the money spent on the bikes, it’s about raising his kids.

Frugal Dad Sees Value

To Frugal Dad, money isn’t about buying something that costs less. It’s about buying something right. Sometimes, the least expensive way of doing something is the best way to make lasting memories. Think about how your money is used and what the return on your investment will be. Will you save a few bucks at the cost of more repairs? Will you create lasting memories with your kids by buying something right? Or will cheap choices lead your kids to resent you? I’m reminded of this teaching from the Bible.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”

Ephesians 6:4 (NLT)

To me, this verse goes beyond just treating my kids fairly and with kindness and love. It means modeling behaviors and habits I want them to develop. Being a frugal dad and not a cheap dad means teaching them value over money. I want to show my kids that they are valuable enough to spend a little more on them if it means they’ll receive something high-quality. I want my kids to know they’re worth way more than the extra dollar I spend on them. Their value far exceeds any bottom line.