Isn’t it funny how when were kids we swore that when we became grown-ups we’d never have the same rules in our house as our parents had for us had when were kids? As an 8-year-old, I was convinced that when I had kids, I’d never let my kids have a bedtime. I just knew I’d let them eat cookies in their bed, never have them brush their teeth, and never make them eat any food they didn’t like. I swore I would never make my kids eat tuna noodle casserole, as I was I scooped another helping on my dinner plate. When I was a kid, I was sure I knew better than any grown-up. Well wouldn’t you know it, now that I’m a grown-up with kids, I can unashamedly say one thing that 8-year-old me would have never uttered: Mom and Dad, you were right.
More times than I can count, this parenting journey has revealed that I know much less than I thought I did before kids. Should I stay up late every night? No. Should I eat cookies in my bed? No. Should I avoid foods I don’t like? Well, no, I guess, but thanks to my parents, I’ve tried lots of foods and I know what like and what I don’t. Asparagus? Love. Tuna noodle casserole? Avoid. My dad was always trying to get me try new foods. Not the tuna noodle casserole kind, but new flavors, dishes, and culinary experiences. I can’t think of anything he would serve that I didn’t eat. Now I cook a variety of dishes for my family. Somehow, it’s like my parents knew something that my younger self didn’t: how to be an responsible, healthy person.
My parents wanted to raise me the best way they possibly could, so it makes sense that I share many of the same tastes as my parents. They taught what they knew and they shared what they loved. It’s most likely were I get my sense of humor. My parents introduced me the art and music and books they enjoyed. After all, it’s really difficult to teach someone to like something you don’t like yourself. Remembering that, my favorite movie of all time is still The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai across the Eighth Dimension. If you watch it, you’ll know why it flopped at the box office. But the humor is on another level and I love it. My favorite book? The Phantom Tollbooth which is full of literal humor.
What about rules and raising children? Now, I totally get what my mom would tell me when I and my brother and sister were acting up.
“Just you wait until you have kids of your own and they start acting this way for you!”
8-year-old me thought parents were authoritarian dictators, regimenting every aspect of life. Brushing teeth teeth? Johnny’s parents don’t make him do that! (Growing up, I never had a friend named Johnny, but just go with it. If I did, I’m sure his parents would have made him brush his teeth, too.) Johnny’s parents let him stay up all night and play Sega! Drink soda every day? Johnny’s parents let him do that every day!
Of course, none of my objections were logical. I could have argued that Johnny’s parents let him jump off the roof or let him drive the family car at 8 years old. But my parents knew better. They knew I had to learn and grow, even though I was convinced otherwise. Rules and boundaries kept me safe. They kept our whole family safe. Without my mom and dad watching over me and my siblings to make sure we did things right, I would have ended up in a heap of trouble.
Now that I’m a dad, I get it. It’s much more apparent now that my oldest is five. She understands that some actions have consequences and that rules exist. Bedtime is bedtime. TV time must be earned with chores. She knows she can’t eat cereal and milk at every meal. What she may not know yet is why. That leads to some interesting discussions when I ask her to do something.
Why is what I would ask when I was a kid. If I got an answer, it usually wasn’t enough to change my mind and make me care. If I eat cookies in my bed, I will get crumbs in it and end up sleeping my bits of cookie embedded in my back. Gross. In the moment when I wanted that cookie, the crumbs and their consequence didn’t matter. Not brushing my teeth leads to cavities, but it’s hard to understand why that’s unhealthy as a kid that hadn’t had them yet. A variety of food in my diet can help me get all my nutrients and prevent diseases. As a kid, I would have preferred to survive on Oreos and instant ramen noddles. As an adult, I know that’s a quick path to stroke.
I’ve known all these things for a long time now, since before I moved out of my parent’s house and lived on my own. But now that I have children, I can see the younger version of myself. Or actually three younger versions of myself. Each one probably thinks they know better than me, especially when they argue that shouldn’t have to go to bed. But one day, even if they don’t have any kids, I hope they’ll understand that boundaries have been put in place today for their well-being as grown-ups. I love them too much to not teach them how to live, how to establish healthy habits, and how to make good choices.
So, Mom and Dad, thanks for raising me. You were right. I should set a bedtime, brush my teeth, and not eat junk food all the time. I should do all the countless things you’ve taught me. You did your very best and were patient with me throughout the best and worst parts of my childhood. I couldn’t ask for anything more and I couldn’t ask for anyone else. Now, I will continue to do what you did for me for my own children and be the best dad they could ever need. But I’ll never make them eat tuna noodle casserole.
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